Stepfather: Watch out for grammatical and vocabulary errors. Especially with punctuation that there are a lot of errors concerning that. Also watch for run-on sentences because the lack of pauses makes the reader feel bored.
Brother: I like the story. You need to change that you are repeating to much into more complex words to make your writing more interesting. Also make sure that the divisions of your paragraphs have a specific meaning.
Tomas U: Simple grammar and typos are present in your writing so you just need to change those. Also make your ideas more clear for the reader to have more fun reading you stories.
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